FEAR!!!!

Many years ago when Parker was small, we hiked Angel's Landing in Zion National Park with another family. Parker ran off ahead with other kids. We really didn't mind that he went ahead until we reached the top and could see him heading out to the very top of the hike where you have to hold on to chains so you won't slip off the steep edge of the cliff. There he was, jumping from rock to rock, unaware of the great danger and risk he was taking. I kept Kaitlin with me on Scout's Landing and sent Tristan on ahead to stop Parker. I was as sick to my stomach as I have ever felt. My fear for Parker was so intense that I nearly threw up. I sat down in the dirt and held on to Kaitlin so she could hardly wiggle until Tristan brought Parker back safely.

I had hiked Angel's Landing before, but never with my kids. To see Parker out there jumping from rock to rock brought about the worst kind of fear---a parent's fear for their kids.

This weekend, we went to Mike's race to see him race his motorcycle. He has been doing really well and we have wanted to watch him before, but he has been hesitant to have us come. (Now I know why.) It was exciting and thrilling for everyone. Mike is talented and skillful. He assures me that he is being careful. But on his first race when he came around a turn at the top of the hill, I could see him struggle to keep his bike in control. It scared me the Angel's Landing kind of fear. This time it didn't make me sick, but it made me cry. I tried really hard to keep my emotions to myself because I knew it would upset everyone. But I couldn't help it. Mike may be an adult. He may be the most skilled rider on the track. He may be the most safe rider on the track. He may be the most practiced rider in the race. He may have the strongest muscles to wrestle his bike into control. I don't care. For a minute there, he was still my little Mike that I have loved and protected for so many years. A mom just can't ever throw away her fear for her family. It's my job to be the scared one.

Nevertheless, the race was fun and exciting. He won the second race also, and mom won the ability to enjoy it.

A little bit.

Here's a link to one of his practice rounds. He does make it look easy. http://www.pinkbike.com/video/146980/