Tie to the Past

I just had a really emotional experience and anyone who reads this will just think I am nuts. The organist in our ward is always asking me to get ready to play the organ and help her. She called a couple of weeks ago and needs a substitute the last week of August. She called far in advance to give me plenty of time to practice. I took a deep breath and finally told her yes. I met her at the church this morning where she showed me how to operate the new organ there. I was so nervous. Then she left me and I started playing. It has been so many years since I have touched an organ. Maybe it was my nerves, but tears welled up in my eyes so that I could hardly read the music. IT FELT SO GOOD! I didn't realize how much I love the organ and how much I have missed it. There is nothing like playing those foot petals and hearing that deep bass. It has been years and years and years since I last played. I am so scared to try it again especially in front of our ward. But practicing it made me so emotional (in a good way). It took me back and connected me to myself from the past. It made me feel like ME again, not someone's wife, someone's mother, or someone's friend. It was just the old ME and the now ME up there on that bench.

I used to play the organ in my ward when I was growing up. My official calling was Sunday School organist, but every summer the sacrament meeting organist took off for the summer so I would play for him in Sacrament Meeting and in Priesthood meeting (back when there wasn't a three hour block.) I also played for the Primary and Young Women. I was never as nervous then or afraid. Today I have no confidence of my youth and I am scared to death! I practiced a whole hour (probably never did that before either) and had to drag myself away. My foot was going numb. I am so rusty, but it felt so good. Anyway, I went to the grocery store afterwards and had to make myself quit crying. Do you think I am crazy??? Crazy or not, I have had a wonderful morning.